I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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