just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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