Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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