So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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