I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
