drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
