can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize