I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
