the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
