I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
