i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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