girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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