I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
