ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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