Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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