so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
