your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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