I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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