I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
