problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
