In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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