i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
