You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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