why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
