SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
