HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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