Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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