True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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