So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
