I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?