dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
