I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
