Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
