hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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