My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
