ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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