you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
