I think I am morally bankrupt
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
