I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
