Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize