I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its not stalking. its research.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
