We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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