hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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