Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The power of my boobs compel you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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