wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
