Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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