Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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