i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
