I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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