just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
