please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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