Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
