i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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