Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well you can't waste a boner
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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