Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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