I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
