I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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