They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
