he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
