My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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