I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
