why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
