seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
